Sally Sweeney Almost Killed Her Husband

Sally rushed around the kitchen, preparing for the annual company picnic.

“Are you ready?” Mr. Sweeney yelled from his office.

“Almost.”

Everything needed to be perfect. Mr. Sweeney hoped to make partner this year at Banks and Oakley Law Firm. Sally knew there could be an announcement today. She’d even taken it upon herself to order him a leather portfolio with Banks, Oakley, and Sweeney inscribed on the front.

Mr. Sweeney loved it but hid it away until the right time came. He came out of the office looking like a frat boy from New England, wearing his polo shirt, khaki pants, boat shoes, and a sweater over his shoulders.

“Well, look at you. Is this a picnic or a college gathering?” Sally asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, never mind. You look so handsome.” Sally wiped down the countertops.

“It’ll be weird going without the children this year,” Mr. Sweeney said.

“Yes, it will.” Sally didn’t have the heart to tell him the kids had vowed to have legitimate excuses not to go this year. Now that they were all teens, they found the gatherings boring. The last few years, it had been like pulling teeth to get them to go.

“Are you bringing your famous pineapple upside-down cake?” Mr. Sweeney asked.

“Of course, and those amazing cupcakes you loved from the coffee shop,” Sally said.

“Are you talking about those cupcakes we had last Saturday morning?” Mr. Sweeney asked with a glint in his eyes.

“Yes. Betsy gave me the recipe.”

Mr. Sweeney had raved about the spiced chai cupcakes with cinnamon buttercream frosting, and Sally knew she had to make them for his special day.

Mr. Sweeney seemed chatty on the drive to Knoxville. He loved his job, and that made Sally happy. When they pulled up to the park, Sally noticed that she and Mr. Sweeney were a little overdressed, but that was okay since it was their year to make the best impression.

Once Sally delivered her desserts, she slipped her arm through Mr. Sweeney’s. “Let’s go get that partnership.”

“Stop. Someone will hear you.”

“Everyone knows making partner is your goal.”

“Yes, but we don’t need to be so obvious.”

Sally smiled and walked away from her husband to mingle with the other ladies. They all had their calendars out, organizing their next gathering. Sally rarely used a planner. She’d start strong in January but have things written on napkins, saved in her smartphone, or post-it notes stuck everywhere by March. She and Mr. Sweeney were total opposites. If the guy made a plan, he followed through. Sally was different. Willy-Nilly Sally. That’s what her parents called her growing up. Sally loved working from home and making her schedule. She also spent much of her time at the coffee shop. She could get a lot of writing done there and catch up on local information for her column. Mr. Sweeney called it gossip, but Sally didn’t look at it that way. For her, it was writing material. Sally couldn’t ask for a better life, but the one thing left to put the icing on the cake of life would be for Mr. Sweeney to become a partner at the firm.

“Everyone ready to eat?” Mr. Oakley rang a small golden bell.

The firm’s company picnics were unlike any other. No wonder the children didn’t love them. Everything was on a schedule, and the food was gourmet. One of the firm’s clients owned a fancy restaurant. They catered the meat dishes, and the ladies all brought desserts and sides, which looked like dishes from a Southern Living magazine. No one needed to know Sally had used Betsy’s kitchen to make the cupcakes and borrowed serving dishes to display them. The one dish Sally had perfected was the pineapple upside-down cake. The PUD cakes made her more known than her reporting. She’d gotten the recipe from her mother-in-law. Mrs. Sweeney would never share her recipes, but in the end, since she didn’t have daughters and only one son had been married at the time, Sally ended up with her coveted recipe book.

“Sally, come sit down and tell me how things in Clearmont are going. I know you spend a lot more time there than Harvey.”

Mr. Banks, the head honcho, patted the chair beside him. “Oh, it’s going well. We’re gearing up for the big election, you know.”

Sally almost tripped when she took the seat.

“Yes, the governor’s son is running against her. What’s her name?”

“Rosalyn Quinn. She’s never had an opponent before.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“Oh, she’ll be fine. She’s been the best mayor. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t vote for her.”

“People will surely surprise you, though. He is the governor’s son,” Mr. Banks said.

Sally swallowed hard and took a bite of the potato salad. The dish had a peculiar taste—more like a casserole than a salad. She leaned over to her husband. “Everyone is going for my pineapple
upside-down cakes, but I spent all my time on those cupcakes.”

Maybe they looked too beautiful to touch. Mr. Sweeney went over and brought back each of them a cupcake. He was in a good mood, and Sally benefited from that. The conversation seemed dull, but Sally smiled and tried to enjoy the day. Sally swatted away a couple of flies from Mr. Sweeney’s head. They didn’t deserve to be in the same space as this remarkable man. As Sally blew another fly away from her husband, she noticed his ear looked huge. Her eyes moved around to his face.

“Are you okay?” Sally asked.

“I’m not feeling so well.”

About that time, Mr. Banks said. “Whoa, these cupcakes are spicy.”

Sally looked at him in confusion. “Spicy?”

“Yes, like hot pepper spicy.”

Mr. Sweeney was severely allergic to hot peppers. Sally took the second cupcake off his plate and bit into it.

“Oh, my goodness.”

“What is it?” Mr. Banks asked.

“I think I’ve added cayenne instead of cinnamon.” Sally must have grabbed the wrong spice in Betsy’s kitchen.

“Well, they’re not that bad,” Banks said.

“Call 911.” Sally could see Mr. Sweeney was failing fast. She took off in a sprint to the car for the EpiPen. Her son was highly allergic to bees, so they kept one stashed in the minivan, one at the house, and one in his backpack.

Sally ran as fast as she could. “Lord Jesus, please don’t let my husband die over some silly cupcake I made to make him happy.”

“I’m coming. I’m coming.” By the time Sally returned, Mr. Sweeney was lying on the ground, surrounded by everyone at the picnic.

“Excuse me.” Sally pushed through the crowd and jabbed Mr. Sweeney with the force of a warrior.

His face already looked like the Michelin man’s. Sally released a whimper as she heard the sound of sirens. Had she killed her husband? One little innocent mistake in the kitchen could make her a widow. This is why Sally rarely cooked. It was a hazard to the whole family. They loaded Mr. Sweeney onto the gurney and wheeled him into the ambulance.

“I’ll drive you to the hospital, Sally.” Mr. Banks said.

“Oh, thank you.”

The drive was fast and silent. Sally wasn’t sure if she should be more upset that she’d sabotaged her husband’s chances of making partner or that she’d nearly killed him. When they entered the hospital, Mr. Banks and Sally followed the nurse to Mr. Sweeney. Machines were hooked up to him, and he looked miserable.

“My poor husband.” All Sally could do was sob.

Today was supposed to be special for her handsome prince, but there he lay, swollen up like a giant toad. Mr. Sweeney squeezed her hand. He couldn’t talk with his tongue so big.

“Is he going to be okay?” Sally asked.

“I think so,” the cute little nurse said.

That wasn’t the hopeful news Sally longed to hear. After what seemed like an eternity, the swelling started to go away, and her husband dosed off to sleep.

“I think you’re safe to go home now.” Sally patted Mr. Banks on the arm.

“Please let me know if I can do anything to help. You all are like family,
you know.”

“Thank you.” Sally smiled and followed him out the door. He would make a family member partner, wouldn’t he?

Mr. Banks stuck his hand out as Sally leaned in for a hug.

“Family gives hugs,” Sally laughed.

“My plan for the day was to announce Harvey as a partner, but we’ll find another way to celebrate when he’s feeling better,” Mr. Banks said.

Sally’s heart sped up a little. “And we’ll leave the baking to someone else.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Mr. Banks laughed.

Sally walked back into the room, where her husband rested peacefully. She kissed him on the forehead. The day hadn’t gone as expected, but Mr. Sweeney was alive, and although he didn’t know it, he was now a partner at Banks, Oakley, and Sweeney.